Hah-Looo TEACH-AH!

I feel as if I’ve been on an endless vacation since graduation. My last month at home, though relaxing and relatively stress-free, made me realize that the life of a house wife is busy but not so thrilling. (No offense mom! HaHa) My first three weeks in China were also “work-free,” but consisted of new stresses and adjustments. The thought of ‘the real world’ and ‘job’ or ‘profession,’ quickly escaped my mind soon after arrival in the PRC.

But not for long…..HAH-LOOO TEACH-AH! I must hear it fifty times a day. I hear it when I go for a run, I hear it when I teach, I hear it when I walk out of my apartment, and I now hear it in my sleep! I’m still not sure if this is a catcall or jeering provocation, but even though the annoyance of these words and their constant existence during the day drives me nuts, it still brings a smile to my face. When they see us, their eyes open so wide, they cover their mouths and giggle (this would probably be me if I met Matt Damon!) But please, we’re not as cool as him. Their astonishment is a delight because they seem to find our presence fascinating.








(The picture below is Julianne and I in front of our school! This was taken a week before we started) I began my first day of teaching on Monday at Tongliao #1 Middle School South Campus (Tongliao Yi Zhong Nan Qu). I am an English teacher in the Senior School- Grade One. This is equivalent to Freshman Year of High School. Like I explained in my previous entry, Julianne and I were chosen for these two positions in the city (while the other five foreign teachers remain at the North Campus). I am so happy I stayed optimistic about the situation, because Julianne and I both teach eleven lessons a week. This is a whopping 8.5 hours a week, and to make things even better, we never heave lessons before 2pm. So why was this the job no one wanted again? To put this into perspective, A.J. and Mike both teach twenty lessons a week, which amounts to about fifteen hours a week.










But please, before you sigh and say, “This job is a walk in the park,” read on. I have about 825 students, in eleven classes. So if you do the math, my class sizes are more than seventy EACH. Feng le!! (Crazy!) Since I never have the same class twice in one week, I have had the monotonous job of assigning each and every student with an English name. This is an example of how this short exchange goes (I’ve done it over 800 times!)

Me: Hello
Student: Hello
Me: Do you have an English name?
Student: No sorry, I don’t have.
Me: What is your Chinese name?
Student: Yan Li Jia
Me: Your English name is Lily
Student: (So excited) OOHH Teach-AHH
Me: It is nice to meet you Lily
Student: It is nice to meet you too.
Me: Thank you
Student: You are welcome.







I can’t even begin to explain how tired I am of going through this process, but I think it is a great first lesson in spoken conversational English. I have had the greatest time naming my students. It actually became quite hilarious. I think I have a student named after everyone who receives this blog and anyone I’ve ever known! The class clowns are easy to find because they have all named themselves. I have five students named “Superman,” a “Romeo,” “Bush” (this student informed me he named himself after the OLDER Bush), “Panda,” “Jack Sparrow,” and “Jay-Z.” Today I was introduced to Chuck Norris, SuperMario, and Spiderman. I also learned quickly that the NBA is huge in China. I lost count to the number of students named Jordan, Wilt Chamberlain, Iverson, LeBron, Garnett, and one student that refused to be called anything but “Michael Jordan Best Basketball Player of Time.” So I of course said, “It is nice to meet you Michael Jordan Best Basketball Player of Time.” The class burst out into hysterics and the student simply smiled, bowed and said, “It is nice to meet you too Sheilalaoshi.” (literally means Sheila Teacher).





Even among these funny moments, I was not prepared for the most hilarious moment I will probably experience. I was almost halfway through the names of Grade One-Class Nine, when I got to Kelly.

Me: Hello, do you have an English name?
Kelly: Yes I do.
Me: What is it?
She enunciated her words in clear, effortless English…
Kelly: My dear teacher, you are so beautiful and sexy. And if I were a man, I would fall in love with you.”

My jaw dropped as I stood on the podium and I overlooked this class of seventy-three students. No one laughed or giggled…it was as if no one, including Kelly, understood the meaning of what was just said. I remember blinking and then as if I couldn’t control it, I wailed into a fit of laughter. It was so uncontainable, that I remember slamming my hand on the desk. After what felt like a full minute, I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked out towards the seventy-three eyes that were no longer staring at me, but were now laughing so hard that they mocked my ‘slamming of the desk.’ They also replicated my inability to catch my breath. I soon realized that their reaction was not a result of Kelly’s comment but was because of the extraordinary and I can imagine FRIGHTENING sounds coming out of this crazy American’s mouth. I can only imagine what my facial features looked like.










Excluding a few, my students have been wonderful. In college, I spent my entire spring semester of senior year teaching fifth and sixth grade inner-city Providence students. I used to scream over a class of twenty-seven smart-ass and impolite American students (not ALL were this way!). One student today asked me the difference between American students and Chinese students. It took me a minute to answer this question because everything I know about teaching, I learned in those five months, and I am therefore thankful for the Providence Public Schools. I grabbed my pocket dictionary and searched for the right word. Finally I looked up from my book and stared at the student who had asked me the question. He was still standing with his hands behind his back (when a student asks the teacher a question, he or she always stands from his or her seat). It hit me then. I found the right answer to his question.

In my broken (but improving) Chinglish, I said, “Zhong guo xue sheng hen dong zunjing.” The moment these words came through my mouth, I cringed because I had no idea if he understood me. I was trying to say that I believed Chinese students were incredibly respectful. I was waiting for the class to begin laughing at my mediocre attempt but no one giggled or snickered. The student, who named himself, “William Wallace, Hero of Scotland,” answered “Thank You Teach-AHH” and sat down.









On Saturday morning, the seven of us are traveling to Shenyang, a city southeast of Tongliao. This will be our first trip without our Chinese friends. We will take a six hour train ride and spend the weekend in the largest city in Northeast China. My backpack is packed with my essentials; my phrasebook, hand sanitizer, camera, toilet paper, and the attitude that this is going to be one hilarious trip. (and you will all hear about it next week!)